Those darned immigrants...

My best friend sent me a joke not too long ago that reminded me about the HBO special of one of my favorite comedians, George Lopez - “Tall, Dark & Chicano.” Since humor doesn’t allow anybody to feel left out, here we go…

My friend's joke:

“A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says: __ Thank you Mr. American for letting me into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education! The passerby says:
__ You are mistaken, I am a Mexican.
The man goes on and encounters another passerby.
__Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America. The person says:
__I not American, I Vietnamese. The new arrival walks farther, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says:

__ Thank you for wonderful America! That person puts up his hand and says:
__ I am from Middle East. I am not American. He finally sees a nice lady and asks:

__ Are you an American? She says:

__ No, I am from Africa. Puzzled, he asks her:

__ Where are all the Americans?"
The African lady checks her watch and says:

__ Probably at work."

Now here's the comical truth. From the HBO Special – Tall, Dark and Chicano - George Lopez.

“Tell your kids that they can be whatever they want to be, as long as they set their mind to it. They can become president of United States; they can become a Supreme Court Justice. It’s been done! There are a lot of Latinos out there. And the Republicans, I’d be a little afraid, you know... I’d be a little afraid to not have our vote. You need our vote, yet you want to get rid of us out of this country. When hotel rooms can clean themselves... when food can cook itself... and crops can pick themselves... when little white babies can raise themselves... Then maybe we'll leave this country. Maybe! But until you start doing shit for yourselves, the only question you need to ask yourself is, what can brown do for you? ”

“… We do all the work that nobody else wants to do. If an immigrant is taking your job, then you got a fucked up job. ‘What happened Scott? Well, I was selling flowers on the side of the freeway, until Ramon (or Consuelo) came; I was making $13.00, $14.00 a month, and that son of a bitch..."

“We do all the things that no one else wants to do.”

“When you want a wall built in the middle of the summer, and you want to build fast, and you want to build cheap, and you want to build without a permit… Who do you call?”

“When you want to go back to work, because you had a baby and you want resume your brilliant career. But you want to bring someone into the house, to care for that young child, while you can go on with your career and someone can nurture and practically raise your child for you, and you want it done for $3.00 hour, who do you call?”

“We are not going back to Mexico. Those 12 million people are not going back to Mexico, so let’s forget that argument right now. We are not going back to Mexico, but I’ll make you a deal… On the Mayflower, the original illegal aliens came to the United States. There were people already here when the Mayflower landed. We’ll go back to Mexico and we’ll rebuild the Mayflower and send 12 million of the ancestors of the original illegal aliens back to Great Britain… We go, you go! ‘I got pilatis, that’s not gonna work.’ Because we can build the Mayflower like that,” he snaps. We don’t even need hammers. We’ll use our heels."

That will do!

Cheers,
Cranky Blogger

PS: Is there anything making you cranky today? Speak up! The floor is yours!